sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
