I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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