Don't you send me to vm
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
