My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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