Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
