Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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