by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
