the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
