honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am puke
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
