FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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