If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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