Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
