Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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