Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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