the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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