i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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