evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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