I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
