So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
