I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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