i love accidental penises.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
