We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
