i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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