it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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