I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
