thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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