non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
