Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize