Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
