put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize