i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
