I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
