i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize