your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
