the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
