I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
