she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
