They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
