I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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