my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
