i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize