Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
