Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
