Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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