: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
