I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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