And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
