I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
