My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
