playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
