I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
