Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
