u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
and you fell through a lawn chair
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
