You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
