i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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