Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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