I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize