I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
how drunk are you?
Several
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
