did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
