and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
