i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
