the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the liver wants what the liver wants
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize