I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
