Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
