none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
