hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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