If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
