I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
