The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
