i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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