Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
