Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
