right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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