Me too!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
