Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
