I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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