I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Randomize
