i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize