Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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